I'm a horrible person. Mathboy and I received a wedding invitation from one of his cousins today. This will be her third wedding and I'm just aggravated by the whole thing. You see, the invitation included two things that should not normally be included in a wedding invitation:
1) Registry cards directing us to the places where they've registered for a heck of a lot of stuff for two people who are evidently already cohabiting . . . one of whom, as I mentioned, has already been around the block twice.
2) What amounts to a coming out announcement. We had no inkling that Cuz was a lesbian but it was made plain in the invitation that entreated us to join in celebrating the marriage of so-and-so's daughter to so-and-so's daughter.
Bah. I don't think I'm a homophobe . . . but maybe I am. Maybe I'm reacting in this manner merely because I think that homosexuality is wrong. I don't dislike gays and lesbians. I grew up with an honorary uncle who was quite gay, one of my childhood friends came out about five years ago, I had a friend who had two mommies, Mathboy has an aunt who came out 15-20 years ago . . . I like most of these people (the exception is the former friend who decided that people disliked her because she was gay and not because she was a raging bitch) and all are welcome in my home. I just happen to think that the lifestyle is wrong. I also think that illicit drug use and cigarette smoking are wrong and yes, I know that habits/addictions are chosen and many would argue that homosexuality isn't. I don't really want to go there.
Anyways. As long as you're not harming anyone else, I really don't care what you do. How does all of this circle around to Cuz and her partner? Well, sending an invitation to a same sex wedding without giving any of the family (including elderly and conservative grandparents) any idea that you lean in that direction, or are even involved with anyone, kind of smacks of confrontationality (is that even a word?) I'm probably particularly irked because we've tried to keep the lines of communication open but any contact, including Christmas cards and wedding invitations from our end go ignored and unanswered.
What do you all think? Am I just being an uptight, judgy, right wing bitch?
Edited to Add: Mathboy tells me that I am, in fact, a homophobe . . . but he also says that I can't help it. My contention is that I can dislike a behaviour or action without disliking the person.
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2 comments:
I am on exactly the same page as you, though my particular religious upbringing has etched in my mind the phrase: "Love the sinner, hate the sin."
I would have been equally appalled at find out this sort of information in a wedding invitation. I've learned over the years that sometims your family is your family (or in this case, your husband's family) and you can't change that but you also don't have to acknowledge this kind of awkwardness.
Of course, my proper Southern upbringing doesn't know what to be more flabbergasted by - the disclosure of Cuz's homosexuality or the disasterous faux pas of sending along the registry cards in the invitation. ;)
My Dear Son was recently married and with no permission from me; he, is intended, and apparently her mother all agreed that a "registry" announcement (complete with the said store's logo's) was included. When I bitched and moaned to peer friends (we of a certain age), it has apparently been a growing trend in the 35 years since my first wedding.
I don't know which would be weirder, "coming out" via invitation (and they must be in Massachusetts or Canada, no, becasue there's no place else?!!) or having guests arrive and THEN realizing that there are two brides (or two grooms).
I don't think it matters whether you think homosexuality is OK or not, because (IMHO) you aren't going to change any of them. I enjoy myself most when I'm not frustrated trying to change somebody AND when I'm not judging anybody. Don't know if it would work for you... (but I'm not trying to change you either!)
Faux pas (Faux pas's?) like most TRUTH is merely a matter of opinion anyway.
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